Say the world understands 2 states: Immature and Mature. The aim (in most cultures, I wonder about ours at the moment) is to move from Immature, which we are born into, to Mature. Our aim is to grow mentally and emotionally, just as we naturally grow physically.
A lot of the world seems to assume that these 2 labels are parallel to 2 others that we naturally go through- Dependant, and Independant. This view says that being Dependant is child-like, inferior, and Immature. But when I become Independant, I am adult, superior, and Mature.
It's easy to see where this view comes from. From birth, we Depend on adults to survive. But as we grow older, these caring adults encourage us to become more and more Independant. That, at least, is the word commonly used, but I don't think this is the best target to aim for. Maybe parents encourage Independance so much because a part of them is impatient for their loved ones to fly from the nest! "You need to learn to be Independant" (for 'be Independant' read 'Go Away'.)
My own view is that both Dependant and Independant fall under the label of Immature. Have you ever known people who are old enough to act like adults, but somehow don't? If you try to pin it down, is it because some of them seem childish because of their selfish, self-serving nature? Well, that's what Independat can mean. "Support yourself, horde money and items, make decisions based on what you feel, and whatever you do don't consider others: that implies you Depend on them..."
For example, a man who lives next door to you may think of himself as grown up because he has a house, a car, a couple of sofas he's still paying for, and a holiday in the Maldives lined up that he organised and paid for all by himself... (I know I felt strangely 'adult' in Uni when I bought my own sofa from Ikea) But if in passing you asked him if you could borrow some washing up liquid, and he quickly shouted "No!" in such an offended way that indicated he obviously did- he just didn't want to let you have it- wouldn't you think him quite childish?
Instead, I think a balanced, healthy adult becomes Mature by growing into a third state: Interdependant. Giving as well as taking, sharing in community, working with others. Interdependant does not necesserily mean stopping half way between the first 2 states, because giving and taking from others can happen out of choice instead of necessity.
As a different example, a young school girl may sit and eat at her parents dinner table each night because she cannot cook a meal for herself yet. But when she is older, she may accept an invitation to eat at a friend's house: not because she cannot cook for herself, but because she wants to spend time with her friend. She would probably be equally happy to host and cook the meal at her own house, because what is being given or taken does not need to signify a hierarchy.
An Interdependant person does not need to store up reserves for themself as much, because they can be secure in the knowledge that they can accept help from their friends and family. There is no need to keep or even guard everything you buy. You are free to lend and borrow.
So my own way to distinguish between Immature and Mature, if we want to place the labels onto 2 clear states, would be to think of them as Selfish and Unselfish, respectively. Moving from Selfish to Unselfish is the real target to aim for if we want to grow up.
See another post about Morals...
Image source: http://www.1designer-clothing.com/health-fitness-diet/stick-your-tongue-out-or-make-ugly-faces-to-stay-young-and-healthy/593/
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