I am currently blessed with 20 minutes to myself, twice every weekday, as I walk to and from my workplace. You get to a stage where your legs do their own thinking, and your mind is free to roam.
The other day, during this walk, my mind suddenly asked me how I'd reply if someone asked me why I am married. (Not an unusual question for someone who is 23 years old in this culture, I reckon.)
My reaction was surpise, because I realised the answer was not that I am 'In love'. Or at least, that was not the answer to that specific question.
So, a few thoughts on the question and potential answers...
Is a person who asks this question asking "Why did you decide to get married?" or "What made you want to get married?" These two questions have different answers.
Being in love is not the reason for deciding to get married. I love many people, friends and family- but obviously that does not mean I want to marry them! Love may provoke me to treat another person like the human being they deserve to be treated as... But as quite a broad term, perhaps love cannot mean much more than that at its simplest.
Why I decided to get married should, if I was making the choices now, be the same if not similar reasons to why I started dating someone in the first place (because I believe that dating is a means to an end; not a facebook status)
I would decide to get married because myself and my other half are a good team. We push each other closer to God.
We have also tested our relationship- we have been together through bad times as well as good, it has endured long-distance for long time periods as well as being close together. We have seen each other at our worst as well as our best, and are not afraid of that.
We want what's best for the other, not ourself. We have, as a foundation, friendship- which will be vital, because the biology and emotions that make you feel attracted to someone will not last forever. (It is a lesson everyone must learn if they ever want a full relationship, but hollywood et al aren't very helpful...)
But so far all these things seem to answer the question "Why did you decide to get married?", without actually answering why marriage was wanted. That answer is probably different for everyone, but for myself, it was as simple- and bucket-worthy- as not being able, or even wanting, to imagine the future without Jenny. So maybe, in some form, love is somewhere in the answer after all.
...Some thoughts developed later than the above:
- I wanted to get married because of feelings, and these were strengthened by reason.
- I consider real love to be distinctly different from being 'in love': the second depends on emotion, and therefore will never be permanent, whereas the first is a firm foundation of will and choice (though not necesserily excluding emotion whenever it is helpful).
- I decided to get married so that I could love Jenny more. In this phrase, I think I am using the word love as a verb. I think that perhaps it is only possible to love another person fully when you are in a relationship as secure as marriage.
I will end on a good quote about love by my favourite author, C. S. Lewis:
"Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness."
See posts about Love...
Image Source: http://www.moillusions.com/category/impossible-objects-optical-illusions/page/12
