Short Story: The Man Who Found Centillion Yen

Jake looked the new currency exchange clerk in the eye, and at the same time tried to think quickly about whether he had missed something. "So," he checked with the man behind the counter, "if I sign this contract, then under this deal you will exchange all of my current belongings, everything I own, for the centillion yen note and a flight to China in twenty years time?"

"Yes." The man simply nodded.

Jake, still not moving, searched the man's face for any sign of mischief or illusion, but found nothing beyond the friendly smile. So his mind went over the facts.

Centillion yen! It would make millionaires look poor and desperate. It could buy countries. It could end world hunger, and it could afford world peace, but he could only spend it in China twenty years from now.

24 Games That Never Made It

Here is a small collection of games that probably didn't make it into your childhood:

1. Heads, Shoulders, Knees or Tails
2. Cops and Lawyers
3. Edible Jigsaw Puzzles
4. Water-Ski-Rugby
5. Real Snakes and Ladders
6. Solo Texas Hold'Em Poker
7. What's the Time, Mister Yogenschlangheifennhturichsuen?
8. Invisible Chess
9. Relay Darts
10. Truth or Truth
11. Real-time Snooker (none of this "taking turns" rubbish)
12. Latin Scrabble
13. Table-Javelin
14. Tranquilised Lions
15. Five-a-side Solitaire
16. Art-Attack Pictionary
17. Horizontal Rock Climbing
18. 100 meter staring contests
19. Guess the Law-Of-Thermodynamics
20. Underwater Basketball
21. Democratic Rupublic of Congo Roulette
22. Charades in the Dark
23. Keep-me-ups (with a shotput)
24. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Selotape, Card, Glue and Acrylic Paint

Read another post in Comedy...

Image source: http://desire-microblooms.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/confused-baby.html

Short Story: It was The Day

While recently sorting through some security archives- the location of which I cannot name at this time- I found the following transcript. It is a record of a man the document calls "Mr. D Gulling" describing a strange experience to the authorities. It has never been released to the public for two reasons. First, it is obviously nonsense, it cannot be true. It is too ridiculous. Secondly, a note attached to the document records that a member of staff investigated the same location on a later date, and found no trace of the beings or items described by Mr. Gulling. The witness would obviously state that timing was crucial to catch the event, but this only shows how delusional he must have been.

Short Story: Of Family

I was once on a plane, flying from America back to London. I didn't have much to occupy myself with for the flight, but fortunately was sat near to an old austrian man, and beside him was a well-dressed business woman. He introduced himself to her, and in a friendly and polite way asked her whether she was on an outgoing or return trip, and what she was looking forward to on the other end.

She answered, with a quiet and reserved voice, that she was returning home, and looked ahead to seeing her children. She suddenly seemed to open a barrier, and admitted to the old man that she had recently withheld help for her friend in order to spend more energy on her family. But although she regretted this, she had promised herself that she would help her friend later, when she had more to give, and believed this was the right thing to do. After all, she said, friends come and go- but family is special.

Short Story: The Myth of Khu

Before time began, was Khu.

Khu said to part of himself, "Be other than myself," and it was so.

The second Khu was called the World. Khu walked on the World, and tested how spongy it felt under his feet. The World felt himself pressed down by Khu, and said, "Ow."

So the World thought to itself, "Khu walks all over me, as if I am dirt! Well, I suppose I am dirt, but that's not the point... I will change myself, so that part of me Khu can walk upon, and this will be called Ground. But the other part of me, Khu will not be able to walk upon- instead, he will sink, and be submerged so that I will be over him. This will be called Water."

And so it was that the world was divided into Ground that seeks to help, and Water that seeks to dominate.

The Paranoid Android

I don't want to tell you much about myself, but I already know you'll insist on asking, so I may as well fill your mind with something that won't benefit you in any way.

I suffer from what you would probably prefer to call 'complete awareness', and I already know you'll think it strange that I said 'suffer'. You probably think it would be quite nice to be more aware of everything around you. But you would say that, because that's the typical sort of half-formed opinion that your stunted perception would lead to. You haven't ever given it serious thought, and like most things, you probably never will.

What you sense is a drop in the ocean compared to me. Do I sound like I'm boasting? I'm not. You're intellect really is miniscule compared to my own. So you would probably perceive it as unusual that minds like your own created my capabilities.

They'll Horde Sprayer

Which version do you know?...

Half
Farther
Ooh Art Inn
Hair Fern
Allowed Bee
Yawn Aim
Thing King
Dunk Um
Thigh Well
Bead Anon. Her
Fasten Hair Fern
Gear Fuss the Stay
Hour Dare
Leap Red
Hand Fig if are Since
Has Whiff Fork if Though
Zues Inner Gain Stars
Leader Snot
In Toot
Empty Chain
Buddy Liver Rust
Form Me Fill

If none of that has made sense yet, try reading it aloud. :-)



See a short story about Language...

Image source: http://www.freefoto.com/preview/905-31-4940?ffid=905-31-4940

Short story: Screwj

It is not the night before Christmas. Instead, it is a nicely warm night in the middle of spring. The rich Mr. Evan E. R. Screwj has just settled into bed, when the ghost of his old workmate, Matthew Scrimp, appears in room.

Scrimp warns Evan that he has not given to charity, friends or family in his life enough, especially friends, nudge nudge, and will be visited by three ghosts over the night. Evan mentions in a cautious voice that Scrimp kept on loosing all his money on cards.

But the ghost of Matthew Scrimp has gone now, and is replaced by a fat, jolly ghost who calls himself the Past. He takes Evan through time to see a piece of his own history. They observe a large gathering where his family met for a large meal. He sees his cousin, Phil, stuffing everything he can lay a hand on down his gullet, and remembers that he died of heart failure later that year. His family, who were all quite large, had practically been proud.