Forgettable Influence

An annoying thing I've spotted is that the times you are most likely to deeply influence someone are also ones that you are likely to forget.

I'm talking about the times that you give a piece of advice, teach someone something that you know, demonstrate something. The person you do this for, or in front of, feels that this is a huge revelation and they remember that moment for years. But if they speak to you about it years later, talking about "the time that you taught me..." whatever, you have no recollection of that moment, because for you it was a fairly ordinary one.

I've had this happen to me, and I've done it to others too.

I think the reason this happens is because the forgetful (or ordinary) moments are the ones most likely to have that big impact in the first place. If you are consciously trying to impart some deep wisdom, people pick up on the fact that you are trying. They know that it's coming from your head, not your heart. But if you say something succinct or take an extreme action with actually thinking about it too hard, then a person listening to or watching you will realize that this is something you genuinely believe, that it shapes your behaviour. That enables the feeling of big impact they get. They realize that this isn't just some pretty words, it's something you can live your life by.

Is Happiness the Meaning of Life?

Agnostics are people who are generally undecided on what they believe in. Or at least, they are people who would not say they have committed themselves to one of the major world beliefs. In western culture this indecision seems to result in them inventing their own belief system, but in a vague kind of way.

One of the most common things I hear agnostics say or imply, if they are ever talking about belief, is that life is all about happiness. This may be dressed in phrases like "follow your heart" or "be true to yourself". The core thing that decisions come down to, says this belief, is that I should be happy.

Unfortunately, there are issues with this belief.

Swearing

I wouldn't claim to have the cleanest sense of humour, but I do have cleaner-than-average language. I try to avoid swearing whenever possible, and generally succeed. The reason for this when I was a child used to be simply "because I am a Christian" but this isn't actually a very clear reason so as an adult I eventually had a think about my choices with the language I use.

When I gave it some thought, I realised that the question of "Is it OK to swear?" isn't going to have a single answer because there are two different types of swearing, and I need to answer this question for each of them separately.

Offensive Grace

I had a chat with a colleague at work once about my faith. It was a good discussion, she was asking honest questions and I was trying to answer in kind, but by the end of the conversation she was confused and a little offended by the concept of grace.

Grace, as a word, is probably best known from the title and opening line of the hymn "Amazing Grace" which contains lyrics about joy and freedom. The definition of grace is to receive a good thing even though you do not deserve it. It is a free gift that has not been earned. So how does such a positive thing offend someone?

Practising What, Exactly?

When you apply your faith to your life in a serious way, you say you are a 'practising' member of that faith.

My first question is, which religion do you claim to believe in?

My other question is, do you practice that same religion, or a different one?

Trust and Power

- An action hero, before an explosive scene in a movie
- A parent, teaching their child to ride a bike
- Every politician, when the elections come around again
- Jesus, in the Bible
- Your friend, passing a suspicious drink to you
- A woman trying to convince a man to buy something
- A man trying to convince a woman to loose something
- A spiritual medium, who needs to pay the bills
- The leader of an army, before taking them into war
- A con man, assuring you of a secure investment
- A doctor, calming your nerves before an operation
- A blog writer, telling you what your life is missing...

These are all examples of people who say, in one form or another: "Trust me."

Short Story: Of Family

I was once on a plane, flying from America back to London. I didn't have much to occupy myself with for the flight, but fortunately was sat near to an old austrian man, and beside him was a well-dressed business woman. He introduced himself to her, and in a friendly and polite way asked her whether she was on an outgoing or return trip, and what she was looking forward to on the other end.

She answered, with a quiet and reserved voice, that she was returning home, and looked ahead to seeing her children. She suddenly seemed to open a barrier, and admitted to the old man that she had recently withheld help for her friend in order to spend more energy on her family. But although she regretted this, she had promised herself that she would help her friend later, when she had more to give, and believed this was the right thing to do. After all, she said, friends come and go- but family is special.

Human Rights

I don't believe in human rights. Hold your fire! What do I mean by that? Well the word I'm really focusing on is 'Rights'.

Our 'rights' state that one thing is true, because of another: We deserve shelter, water, food, clothes, etc., because... We were born.

Do you see the same cracks in this assumption that I do? We 'deserve' things because of... birth?

It makes sense to give a gold medal to a man who comes first place in a marathon against hundreds: he has worked hard, and the gold medal is our way of saying we recognize your work and reward your achievement. But it started with his choice to work hard and aim for a good position in that race.

Maturity and Dependance

Say the world understands 2 states: Immature and Mature. The aim (in most cultures, I wonder about ours at the moment) is to move from Immature, which we are born into, to Mature. Our aim is to grow mentally and emotionally, just as we naturally grow physically.

A lot of the world seems to assume that these 2 labels are parallel to 2 others that we naturally go through- Dependant, and Independant. This view says that being Dependant is child-like, inferior, and Immature. But when I become Independant, I am adult, superior, and Mature.

It's easy to see where this view comes from. From birth, we Depend on adults to survive. But as we grow older, these caring adults encourage us to become more and more Independant. That, at least, is the word commonly used, but I don't think this is the best target to aim for. Maybe parents encourage Independance so much because a part of them is impatient for their loved ones to fly from the nest! "You need to learn to be Independant" (for 'be Independant' read 'Go Away'.)

"Fair" is Not Enough

A big word at the centre of many peoples belief system is "Fair." I should be treated equally, you need to play by the rules, life should be Fair. A thesaurus puts the word alongside Just, Honest, Trustworthy, Lawful, Legal, and Good.

The average person believes that fairness, or you could say justice, should be enforced in society. In a perfect world, the average person will be treated justly. The problem, however, is that when people think this, they have forgotten that the average person is not perfect. In fact, all of humanity is imperfect, and the familiar phrase "I'm only human" is one piece of evidence that shows we already know this. It's not news, but neither is it a welcome fact.

We are a broken species; we spend as many days behaving badly as we do behaving well, if not more. If you think this excludes you, then I'll add that even if you don't act on bad thoughts, all of your selfish and overly-proud thoughts are as valid for judegment as any actions. Your actions are, after all, only a symptom of the real character within you.